So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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