I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
