It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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