And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
