Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
