I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
