Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
