I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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