I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
