we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
