When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
