Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
