my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
