Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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