apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
