Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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