Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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