I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
