Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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