Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
