how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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