Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
