Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
