yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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