So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
