if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
