She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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