I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Terrible idea I love it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
