Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
