Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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