She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you made out with another girl for some wings
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
