Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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