soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
