yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fuck me I smell like cheese
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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