So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
