I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
