I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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