Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
