you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize