"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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