i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
