I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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