so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
