Someone shit on the floor
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
