My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
