The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
