Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
