I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
