just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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