Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
