How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
