Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
