can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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