do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
