I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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