I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize