just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
