Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
