im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
