Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
