if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize