Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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