I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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