i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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