When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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