We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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