hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
