Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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