I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
