When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
