She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
