Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
