Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
