is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
