remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize