Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't think brook has ever known best
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
