my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
