Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
