haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
