We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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