can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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