i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize