I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
