so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
