Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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