I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize