ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
