How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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