Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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